I’m sorry, I thought this was America. I thought my right to free speech was protected by the First Amendment. I thought I was entitled to things like due process and a right to counsel. Apparently, California Pizza Kitchen doesn’t share the same values as me and The Founding Fathers. Apparently, they don’t hold freedom as near and dear to their hearts as I do.
I mean, I can see how someone would take their side in the argument. The waiter did look pretty scared and I was screaming pretty loudly; but, come on, you’re a server at a major restaurant chain and you don’t know what an Arnold Palmer is? That’s absolutely unacceptable, and I took it as my personal duty to let him know as belligerently as possible. Had I known he was only 16-years-old, I might have been a little more sensitive, but that’s the fickle nature of hindsight.
Anyways, my lifetime ban from CPK isn’t going away anytime soon (and neither is that restraining order), so I figured it would be a good idea to play around with some of their classics. Since it’s impossible to make proper pizza in an oven that only goes up to 500 degrees, I skipped the pizza dough and used mini-bagels as my canvas. Plus, who didn’t binge eat Bagel Bites as a kid, right?
(Disclaimer: This story is 100% fictional. I am not banned from CPK, and I never verbally assaulted a member of their wait staff. I have nothing but respect for their organization, and my imitative pizza bagels should be taken as pure flattery.) (more…)